WHAT NOW? HACK
ME NOT!
By Laura Walcher
Presidio Sentinel San Diego, March 2012
No wonder Julian Assange took a talk-show host job. Given
that hacking’s not what it used to be, the master’s career was probably in
serious decline. If he weren’t booted out of the game by the authorities, by
now his gig’s pretty far gone, anyway, taken over by … the times.
By which I mean, a matter of minutes.
There’s just diminished need for hacking any more; Facebook,
Twitter or your own favorite site, exposes our every thought (“I had orange
juice with breakfast!”) rendering obsolete the formerly serious problem of
hacking.
Yes, you may now know everything in the world there is to
know.
Whether you want to know it or not. I, however, could live without that inside look at
Ahna Tessler nursing her newborn twins.
That’s what the website “Funny or Die,” thought, too, when they
initially took it down. “Spam,”
they thought, sillily. Never mind:
after high and low level discussions, it’s up for our viewing pleasure.
And young Charlie’s dad, of the U-Tube video, “Charlie Bit
My Finger” – must have forgotten this incredible communications power: he’s still harrumphing over the 417. 6
million-plus who’ve seen his 56-second film – way, way past what he “intended” :
to share it with only one good friend. The experience should inspire him
to keep his hands in his pockets.
I, myself, have decided to accelerate the demise of hacking,
so to offset your deep concern, herewith fascinating secrets about me - ones
you’ve really longed to know:
- My white streak’s the real part. (I don’t mind telling you this, as I realize it’s a subject
of deep public curiousity. It alone can be the target of
hacking.)
- I recycle. (Everything. Somebody – and often I, too - want
it.)
- I never use recipes.
(As far as I know, I haven’t poisoned anyone. Yet.)
-I wash all my laundry in cold water.
(I’m not exactly digging ditches, y’know?)
- I invent some of the information in my columns. (Some website or another will let me know
when I get it wrong … )
- I play my flute a lot, but I hardly ever “practice.” (OK, maybe
it shows …)
- I’m a techno-moron (the key value of hangin’ with
Bob Walcher, the techno-genius)
= I’ve failed to “get” Facebook and other really important social media sites (If,
in fact, you actually find me there, refer to previous item …)
- I have a secret shrink. (Hard to think of anything else when you’re swimming laps …)
- I shop only
sales or use coupons. (Hey, frugal’s not
the same as cheap.)
Any day now, I’d be willing to bet that Mr. Murdoch and his
army of hackers, rather than pay fines or go to jail, will
be merely considered ho-hum meddlers, newly informed of any enemy’s activities
by just being “friended” on Facebook.
Today, the entire FBI file on Steve Jobs is “up” for our
reading pleasure; the FBI released
it themselves, probably depriving Julian A. of yet another satisfying
challenge.
But for society’s sake, there’s undoubtedly even more about
Steve
we must know, and we might need the last-standing hackers to
find it.
But I, at least, am safe., You now know everything there is
to tell about me, so please, Hack Me Not.
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