What Now? Presidio Sentinel San Diego, January, 2015
Never fails: When the mail delivers the Fed’s official
envelope, I know, I recognize … something about taxes, and then, I get that
little shiver … maybe, hooray, a
REFUND!
There’s no way to begin a new year without
thinking about money. We spent too
much on the holidaze; we bought too much food, too many presents, left nobody
out, never mind the December birthdays, too …
Well, that’s us. Then, along come news reports,
one after another, that assures us we’re just .. y’know, pikers, small-timers
in the financial scheme of things.
I can’t quite decide whether
the millionaire-billionaires amongst us think
about money more than we do, or, because they have so much, they don’t think
about it
at all.
On the other hand, they must think about it
‘way more than we do, or they wouldn’t have that much.
Sue Ann Hamm, for instance, got nearly $1
billion from Harold Hamm, in their recent ugly divorce settlement. Harold Hamm
doesn’t care whether you’ve ever heard of him of not; he’s in the oil game for
money, not for fame. (OK, since
you asked, he owns the “..largest piece of the greatest oil discovery of our
age… in North Dakota.” And, he was named chief energy advisor by Mitt Romney in
a recent presidential run.) One
billion is gulp-ful, but don’t get too excited: Ms. Hamm only gets it in
monthly installments of $7 million.
If one has that much money, what, we wonder, is
there to argue about? Silly us.
In Britain, hedge fund founder Chris Hohn paid
his divorcing wife Jamie Cooper-Hohn $531 million. $493.3 million in cash.
Money’s not important to him, though, he said. Jamie actually didn’t do as well as Mr. Hohn’s philanthropic
recipients, who received $1.2 billion just last year. Jamie’s reported to be eternally resentful. Could she do better if
she declared herself a non-profit?
Never mind: she hasn’t
answered any of my questions.
Steven A. Cohen (SAC Capital Advisors) has
gotten out of various business difficulties, but he has not yet escaped his
ex-wife’s demand for her “share” - half of $5.5 million, semi-promised in the wake of their
divorce. Okay, that divorce was decades ago, but Patricia Cohen’s probably
built up some impressive shopping expenses that need paying.
To my knowledge, baseball’s Pablo Sandoval is
not divorcing.
Although now he might, since “The Panda“
recently signed with the Boston Red Socks, for a
contract for $100 million per year and an option for year five. Is that like an open invitation to boost the family
disagreements? OK, that wasn’t
nice of me.
Never mind. I’m determined to get some. C’mon: BRUNO MARS sang,
he swooned, “..I wanna be a
billionaire … SO freakin’ bad!”
It worked: he’s sold
over 12 million albums and 68 million singles worldwide. Five of his singles
are among the best-selling singles of all time. Mars is regarded as one of the most successful
solo artists in the world, having achieved this faster than any male singer
since Elvis Presley.
Maybe if I change my name… punchier, sexier. Bruno was born Peter Gene
Hernandez. I was Laura Kaplan. Boring
– or what? Got to think of
something, or I’m fated to be forever excluded from the millionaire/billionaire
clubs.
For now, the Feds are just not
going to help. They did send me a
refund check - for $1.10.
