CAN WHAT I DON’T KNOW .. HURT ME?

By Laura Walcher

Like the rest of you, I read, and read, and read.  So why don’t I

know  … everything? Maybe it’s technology. If it didn’t keep changing, I would know everything about everything.  Or not.

Here’s what I don’t get, lately:

Pharrell Williams.  Drake.  Nicki Minaj. Among numerous others whose names you don’t recognize, they are the subjects of endless media attention.  Do not despair!  Today’s celebrities go no sooner than they come, so if you don’t know them to begin with, you won’t be taxed with forgetting them when they disappear. 

Eddie Peterson of Mossy Toyota meticulously explained the latest

technological recall, to be added to my routine maintenance. Oh, right.   (I do get his assurance, though: no charge.)

Ai, Ai, Ai!    That would be Weiwei, China’s best-known artist.   Stick with me here. I read the entire “rationale” for the point a guy named Maximo Caminero was trying to make for smashing a vase designed by Mr. Weiwei.   It went something like this:  the vase was in a Miami exhibit and Mr. Weiwei is not a Miami artist.  Splat!   Surely a gentleman,  Mr. Weiwei shrugged:  “a work is a work … what can you do? It’s  … over,” while Mr. Caminero inexplicably regretted that he did “something hurtful…” although,”it’s possible that this served to help other artists.”  Good heavens.  Maximo’s from the Dominican Republic, so what about their artists?  So now we “know” it - but do we get it?

Good news for Trader Joe’s:  to the disdain of my otherwise admiring friends and family, I don’t know - and I don’t get - the supposedly enormous difference between two-ish-buck

Chuck and double digit bottles. Striving for popularity, I’ve read reams of reasons for the pricier bottles, but they have they failed to inspire me, but better:  sent me back to the bottle-opener, yet again.

New “words of the year” now includes “because.”  Jennifer Schuessler in the NY Times sorta explains that “ ‘because’ no longer has to be followed by ‘of’ or a full clause.”  So now you can say, “because weird,” instead of “because it’s

weird.”  Wait:  you just want to write it that way … it hasn’t quite

reached acceptance in verbal communication - has it?

Could I have undertaken the reading necessary to comprehend  “Firefox” vs.  “Safari.” ?   The very thought of that nearly sent me back to smoke signals. But since I needed to grasp this unfortunate challenge, my in-house techno-genius saved me:  “You don’t have to get it … all you have to do is push the button.”   

Hence,  this column.

Philippe Reines, a less-than-household name, hmmm.  Maybe we should pay attention, since he’s the “guardian” of Hillary Clinton’s public persona (says  yet another publication for you to read) and we’re liable to hear more about him as we march toward 2016.  I read all about him - how he told one reporter (via email yet), to “f-off,” and just lately, revealed that,  “I try to speak to reporters as little as possible, just for my own personal health and wellness.”  So far,  reading about him  has yet to clarify exactly how he’s to be helpful to Hillary.

Finally, there’s Fenn.  He’s the new puppy ‘round here, and he came  with a lame leg, which doesn’t seem to bother him at all.  I’ve  tried to read, to learn, about why he runs like an express train on three legs  - and walks on four.  No dice.

While from habit, I will continue reading, reading, reading, I just don’t expect to know much more - about anything. ###