NOW SAY THIS…

Presidio Sentinel San Diego, January 2011

By Laura Walcher

    Clear communication is in very short supply these days.  We’re just too distracted, from texting to tweeting, trying to figure out why most of it matters, how to make sense of any of it, and why it should impact on our lives, anyway.

Even when one is not even Facebooking or Yelping, communication is no longer entirely clear, nor can it be quite trusted.   Take John Boehner, who now, notably, cries.  This form of communication usually conveys sentiment, regret, shame.   But the issues that lead to Mr. Boehner’s tears are a little  ...puzzling.   Crying about kids getting - or not getting - a “shot at the American dream,” makes him cry, but voting against numerous issues that prevent them from the shot doesn’t.  Highly unclear.

And now that “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” is revoked, its implementation, should not “take too long a time, nor too short a time..” as offered by the experts, Oh.

That’s why I hang with Barney.  Communicating with a reasonably clear, concise Cairn Terrier is a pleasingly simple experience.  

What Barney knows, he KNOWS.   His vocabulary may be limited, but his comprehension is perfectly clear. In that interest, I offer his entire canine vocabulary that, with a few adjustments, might work equally well with humans:    

“NO!:  The singular “NO!” category is for situations that are not necessarily dangerous or life-threatening (yours or his).  He’s got one plan; you have another. Easily recognized situation. For him, peeing on somebody's newly washed car is a good example.    

“NO! NO!”:  For use when he ignores NO! (Ignoring is not mis-understanding.)

“NO! NO! NO!”: Emphasized.  This is normally associated with sidewalk garbage that Barney is determined to eat. The triple “NO” is often accompanied by a kind of war, but not one due to

mis-communication.

“STAY”:    This normally works best at street corners, and fortunately, is his best-understood word.  Who can’t use an admonition to pause and think before one runs headlong into a car  - or some other  “situation” of our own making?

“OKAY.”  You would think that “STAY” and “OKAY” sound kind've alike to a dog, but Barney seems to separate these nicely.

Anyway, OKAY means  … ready to proceed.  Sometimes he jumps the gun, but has the decency to look a little sheepish (wow, bad word.:) 

“ LET'S CROSS”:  Not to be confused with 'OKAY,” but useful when you change your mind– like suddenly deciding to cross a driveway or a lawn. Not useful unless it’s your decision. His decision requires “NO! NO! NO!”  In any case, we’re all allowed to change our minds. 

“UP, UP, UP”:  Unless he's decided not to, Barney understands that this means get UP on the curb, or UP the stairs. Human application: lite.

“GOOD BOY”:  Infrequent usage.

“BAD BOY”: Frequent usage, disdained.

“DOWN”:  Low expectations.  When “down” is required, he's usually occupying a chair upon which you wish to sit. It’s a little like “NO,” but friendlier.

“DO YOU WANT TO (GO) COME WITH ME?”  This is a pre-walk question, and his “answer,” is twirling with

glee.  It speaks for itself; a nice invitation for any communicator.

“HERE”: You either have something (food) for him, or you want him to go YOUR way instead of his way.  It works better for the first example than the second.  No polite human application.

“TREAT”:  no explanation necessary.

“COOKIE”:   Ditto.

The Winesellar & Brasserie’s Gary Parker discussed at unimagined length choosing screw caps over corks in the U-T.   As an expert, he could’ve merely told us to “do it,” and we’d do it.  Clear. Concise.

He needed some experience communicating with Barney. ###